Wednesday, 30 September 2015


The return... Literally... Getting up from this position was tough.

Good morning, good afternoon and good evening readers!

This is my attempt at appealing to my international audience (by being totally selfish and communicating in English ha. Ooh future blog idea… write the whole thing in Spanish! Or Chinese!), by greeting you all, across the borders, no matter what time of day this is being read. You’ll be relieved to hear September has been another great month. I realise I am probably getting annoying with all my ‘I love Melbourne’, ‘Melbourne is great’, ‘I love life’.  #sorrynotsorry.

I’m sure you’ve picked up on the vibe of life transition from my earlier blogs (if you have been on the journey with me so far and I’ve not lost you along the way). When you go through a major life change, the kind that happens when your long relationship breaks up, then you kind of fall apart, then start pulling yourself back together, then have a few more knocks, you feel you’re going completely crazy. In fact, saying crazy is unfair but you feel completely unstable as there has been a period of massive change… Moving out of your house, selling your stuff, not having that person in your life anymore, moving across the country, all the while questioning everything you’re doing and everything you thought to be true. When you start feeling back to yourself and strong again, it is an amazing feeling.

September held ‘RU OK?’ day, which is a really important initiative as so many of us are afraid of talking about mental health. Whether people have ongoing mental health challenges or are going through an isolated issue, the most important thing you can do as a friend, colleague or acquaintance is ask ‘are you ok?’ And just be there. So many people try to fix the problem, get frustrated or just leave someone alone that is having a hard time. All these friends need is support to know you are there, that is it. It’s as simple as asking ‘are you ok?’ but being genuine and hanging around to listen.

I will forever and ever be grateful for everyone that was there for me through my breakup. The daily texts, calls and invites to make sure I wasn’t alone and I was ok. Friendships are so important and the false promises through this time are the most hurtful acts, so don’t just say it, do it.

Sometimes you feel like you are at rock bottom and it feels like you are never going to get back up… Then one day you feel exhilarated, elated and alive again. You literally cannot wipe the smile off your face, and the knocks you were getting while you were feeling low suddenly don’t feel as bad and you can put perspective on it again. It is so important to focus on getting back to that feeling and ‘faking it until you make it’*1, which was a good piece of advice I was given.

I’ve had so many late night talks and late night laughs in the last month with some amazing friends both new and old. I am probably the most sleep deprived I have been for years but I am living life and I feel loved, supported and lucky. I don’t care how much of a cheese fest that is, lap it up and add some quince paste if you will, maybe even a nice glass of merlot. The truth is, every one of us is supported, loved and if you don’t feel that way then you are surrounding yourself with the wrong people. Just make sure as much as you make sure you have good people there for you, make sure you also are there for other people. This makes the world go round. Call it a self-made karma friendship if you will.

Another thing that has really helped me is exercise. Since a young age I have heavily been involved in team sports… I love them… They do not love me though and after my third hockey season in a row of ending up on crutches, I called it a day. I miss it every year but as I have referenced before, I discovered crossfit. I have recently had 6 weeks off from crossfit (or 5 weeks… or 7 weeks… depends on who I’m talking to!). This month, just shortly before writing this blog, I returned.

Now for other exercise junkies and overly competitive people, this next part will ring true. I had a momentary memory lapse when I returned to the box (no, I’m not being all lesbian, this is an actual crossfit term for where the cult hangs out). I thought over the last 6 weeks I have still been exercising… Alas, I had not. I left the box that fine morning and noticed that I could not walk. For those that exercise regularly, the sensation of pain I was feeling was something I would expect 48 hours after a tough session… This was 48 seconds later. 3 hours later I was concerned when I audibly yelped getting up from my desk… 12 hours later I wept into my pillow when I rolled in my sleep and thought I had dislocated my hip… 24 hours later I nearly wet myself at my desk when I refused to go to the toilet as steel rods had replaced my quads… 48 hours later I had assumed I had slept for much longer than I thought and had awoken in 2059 and was waiting for the nurse to bring my zimmer frame and early morning meds… it was 5 days later when I was finally able to walk again. 5 days!!

However, the endorphin rush was well worth it and despite the pain I returned today. This time I still can feel my legs and I managed to walk rather than commando crawl to my room. I have been reminded of why you should not take 6 weeks off exercise and most importantly, not sensibly ease yourself back in. I stand by my words though, that exercise gives you an amazing buzz (once the pain subsides) and is the best natural mood lift.

Now I know this is a skipping through the meadow with some uplifting 80s music playing as you swish your hair around kind of blog… And we all know life isn’t like that 100% of the time… There are assholes, there are users and there are manipulators… but don’t let those people damage you and don’t let them bring you down, remove them from your life and then move on because there are equally amazing people out there for you to meet. For every bad egg you remove from your life, you make room for a good one*2.

Credit where credit is due:

*1 Lisa McMillan on many email pick me ups.
*2 Lauren Kamasz on a tram or over a glass of wine I can’t remember which, maybe I should stop socialising with you.

Written by Corina Hawkins, soon to be author of ‘Tattoos of memories’ and creatively bossed by Lindsey Barnett.

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